Kind Note: This is a self-examination post. It is meant to be read and to ask yourself some honest personal questions. I didn’t have anyone particular in mind when I published this nor is the timing of this post (which took a bit of time to write) meant to have any significance. Only the reader (you) can honestly absorb this, reflect, and see if anything here (including some generalizations) applies to you.

The Other Side Of The Coin

Imposter Syndrome is real and from my observations most speakers have often experienced it (most definitely claim to have experienced it). I have experienced it. Even if you have been in an industry or field all your life or if EVEN you are talking about yourself (and you would be the ultimate authority on that subject) there is still that feeling of not feeling qualified to be on a stage or in the spotlight. That you aren’t good enough to belong there. That you’ll be judged. This can effect an individual speaker of any background, age, position, or experience. From first time speakers to those that have been speaking for decades.

There is also the OTHER side of the coin that doesn’t get often discussed. Not talked about in my experience because (my guess) it’s more uncomfortable to discuss… a subject more difficult for people to honestly self-reflect on and admit they have had thoughts regarding.

And that’s an over inflated ego (which i’ll refer to simply as “ego” for the majority of this post, read until the end).

Time For Deep Reflection

Although I am a developer and organizer I do also count myself as a conference speaker. As such, I wouldn’t be completely honest with myself I said the following thoughts I’m going to discuss have never crossed my mind. To be just as honest with you (the reader) as I am with myself though: just like many experience Imposter Syndrome, I know the below thoughts spoken from ego have crossed the minds of speakers. Perhaps why I’m so personally confident in this fact is that I’ve literally heard some of this admitted out loud (and no – you won’t see a hint of a name or identity of these folks). I’ll go even as far as stating that I’ve sadly have seen evidence of this thinking in public areas such as social media or at conferences.

Again, I’m not targeting anyone. That’s not the purpose of this post. If you ARE reading this then only YOU can be honest with yourself and reflect as you read: “Do I think like this often? Why? What is a proper or (at the very least) a “better” frame of mind or way to look at things?

“My Subject Is Vitally Important And The Community Needs To Hear It”

This is a great motivation to submitting a talk (seriously! passion is great!) but in a different tone this thought with ego makes one sound bitter if said after you haven’t been accepted to a conference. Newsflash: the reality is that almost every speaker who submits a talk feels the same way. The opinion of the truth of the importance of the topic can differ (I agree sometimes with speakers saying this sometimes too) but you have to admit this base thought isn’t unique. This is also another way of saying: “Without me knowing what the organizers were thinking, there are topics can could have been dropped and mine put up there instead.”

Your subject (and your take on it) is important, but often organizers aren’t weighing JUST your topic. Very often MANY other factors are in need of consideration. In addition (for all you know) OTHER people have submitted a similar talk too. Is your topic so unique that you are literally the only one that can give a talk on that topic (again, expectations: if it’s about specific software and you’re the sole developer)?

Look at this another way: if you ARE the only person capable of giving the talk then is there is a diversity issue. Can you take an honest look at the diversity of your industry and perhaps mentor new ones – especially those from under represented groups – to be able to speak on such topics? For example if you are the “only good speaker” on someone about the mutations of watermelons – then there should be more experts and speakers on the subject… in the end if you care more about the subject then your ego then you might want to think about how to get new speakers talking about this in your industry. Don’t be the “always go-to”. Share the limelight with others, especially in tech conferences when diversity and representation still aren’t that great.

“I Have Been Rejected From This Conference Before, So I’m Not Going To Waste My Time”

Granted versions of this can be legitimacy voiced out of depression or a result of imposter syndrome.

But that’s a different ballgame. Remember, we are talking about saying this from a place of ego. The feeling of seeing a call for speakers come up but you turning it down in a “they don’t deserve my presence or even mention” because of (usually multiple) past rejections, you not liking how the conference is run or managed, or even not liking the organizers themselves.

True: everyone has only so many hours in the day. Most experienced (and no experienced) speakers I know do not invest a great deal of time submitting talks to conferences (whether they are paid commercial conferences or volunteer based ones like WordCamps). Setting aside expectations, if you are devoting a great amount of time preparing a talk just for a talk submission, you might want to reexamine your tactics. Submitting a past talk? Great, you likely have a single submission for that talk already that you can briefly fine tune. “New talks” to submit can take a little longer but shouldn’t be that much more of an investment.

But going beyond the issue about investing time… is there another reason? Rejection is NEVER a pleasant thing. Few people take pleasure in getting rejected for a talk… but do you know WHY a conference decided to pass on you? Have they done this more then once? Have they even given feedback? Have you ever ASKED for feedback (in a non-defensive manner, privately and not asking on Twitter)?

Honestly from conversations with egoistical speakers it doesn’t have much to do with time or feedback (although many rightfully desire to know the “why”). At the end of the day it’s basically the fear of experiencing (probably another) rejection. The best advice I have to give for that: don’t let rejections stop you. Some of the best people in my industry (speakers or not) have had to overcome rejection in some form time and time again. You think someone who managed to start a successful startup or business managed to nail it on the first try? Or even the first half dozen? Some of the best speakers I know took multiple tries to get on stage (and they still get turned down from time to time).

Honestly ask yourself how determined you are. To be clear – to stop submitting to a conference does not simply equal to “giving up” or means you are any least of a person. We all pick our battles – your time and energy MIGHT be better spent elsewhere. The conference might not be the best fit for you – as much as you would love to shake that thought and will yourself into their speaker lineup.

Try to understand best you can why you are being rejected (conference organizers tend to change year after year so it might not even be same people). It will give your some closure and hopefully in the end make you a better speaker.

“I Need To Be Seen” Or “I Need To Be Associated With This Conference”

What makes this particular conference so important? Are you wanting to be there primarily just so you can add a prestigious conference to your resume? Why? Have you made past appearances and you feel like (perhaps knowing the organizers on some level) you are entitled (some refer to this as being on “The A List”)?

“Last Time I Got A Poor Speaking Slot”

I think I covered this decently in a previous blog post devoted to the subject, so i suggest you check that out.

The Pendulum

Egos alone aren’t bad. In fact, one could say help combat emotions like Imposter Syndrome. You ARE good enough to give that talk, to submit a proposal to THAT conference. Make your voice HEARD. I think of this as a pendulum that swings with one end representing the worst kind of Imposter Syndrome and on the other end being an inflated ego. The goal is to be somewhere in the middle as circumstances reasonably demand it.

Of course, this post isn’t written as if conference organizers can do no wrong. There are legitimate reasons to have certain emotions – especially if a conference has legitimately done something wrong (on purpose or more of oversight). Today sadly it’s still common to see groups under represented on stage at conferences. It’s so unfortunate that exists and fuels negativity and conflict (both inner and external). It’s not all sunshine and rainbows, and in this world sadly there is an uneven balance of challenges for some (some of which, as a white man, I’ll never experience) and privilegies for others.

However, the point of this post wasn’t to showcase all the particular situations speakers could face. It was for self-examination, an exercise. If none of this applies or has never applied to you, then fantastic. As for some others, an exercise like this could can be a great tool in setting priorities as you press forward in your endeavor to speak at conferences and events. I am an example of this myself and I still have at times issues to work through (and organizers by the way can have egos too, but that’s another post).

Hopefully if it is your desire to be a respected and effective speaker then realize it’s not just what you say on stage that matters… it’s at times how you think and act at times off the stage too. Especially when it comes to how you treat yourself.

Read More

You’ve heard about corporate retreats or maybe even been on one. They are popular especially with companies that have a majority of remote workers – where the general idea is that every so often (say once a year) everyone gets together physically for various reasons.

Often when you tend to hear about these retreats, you usually hear about the places they go, how large they companies have gotten, or perhaps about something outrageous. Very commonly it seems like the “big” companies are the ones talking about (and if it’s a small group, it’s an “exclusive” group). Can a smaller company have an effective retreat or is it really just only effective and a good return for investment for larger WordPress companies?

I’ve been to several retreats of various sizes. I recently attended one for Envira Gallery and I can say it was one of the best I’ve had. In a nutshell this retreat was:

– Five People (including myself)
– Located in Denver, Colorado (nice city, but nothing exotic)
– Six days (two of those mostly travel)

Here are some tips I would pass along to smaller companies (say, maybe a team of half a dozen that might include developers, support, managers, and CEOs) thinking about how to get the most out of a “small” retreat:

1. It’s Still Business

As much as some might think it’s a vacation, don’t let the casual clothing and “i can sleep in a little” fool you – this is still business time. Small companies usually can’t afford more than a business week, so it’s important to set a GOAL for the retreat. This is NOT an agenda – that comes AFTER a goal. For example, are you planning to build a new product? Preparing to launch a product? What are some clear and tangible goals you hope to achieve when the retreat is over? Hopefully you are timing the retreat to coninside with a need for having employees physically in the same room with each other.

Next comes an agenda, planned weeks before the actual retreat. Daily agendas help setup expectations for a particular day and help set the tone for

2. Plan Unstructured Time and Team Building

As much as it’s important to be productive with the rate opportunity to have people in the same room, it’s also a unique opportunity to take time to strengthen the team. Yes, although “team building” activities is a bit of a meme it’s important to have some measure of time devoted to having team members interacting with

Also it’s important to plan unstructured time for people to decide what they want to do with themselves – some people are NOT social creatures and the retreat (a forced event to interact as far as they are concerned) is draining. Give people the chance to chill out in a private place (like their hotel room or bedroom at the AirBnB), or the freedom to explore the area (with safety concerns in place).

3. Pick A Retreat Location With As Less Distractions As Possible

As much as it’s tempting to pick an exotic location or tourist city to be home base for the retreat, consider a different approach – to minimize distractions and stress trying to do the “cool things to see” in the location… perhaps pick a more “out of the way” spot.

Got only a few people? Don’t book a mansion but an affordable straightforward AirBnb. Order food in instead of trying to find and decide on a fancy or unique restaurant nearby.

You don’t have to pick a cabin out in the woods (unless that’s your thing) but a small city with sufficient restaurants, delivery services (DoorDash even) and things to do (like escape rooms, nature trails, and movie/theaters) can do just fine. Pick a particular day out of the retreat to do something with the team and make sure that’s in the agenda. Structured time for team activities helps make sure things go off without a hitch.

Pick a place with good wifi though. That’s one distraction you don’t need. Have a plan B in case wifi doesn’t perform (like bring a hotspot or find an alt. location nearby).

4. Code of Conduct

Finally, it’s important that just like a conference or place of work – a clear code of conduct should be written, shared, and signed (agreed upon) by all those involved. That includes the president of the company down to every employee. If there is a problem with conduct, make sure there is a clear system of reporting that fair and approachable to anyone that might be involved. Depending on the size of the retreat, assign multiple people as possible people to follow up instantly on a reported violation. Have different methods of reporting a violation as well, so someone is as comfortable as possible reporting it.

Many retreats often have their employees and those attending sign a waver (liability) and a physical signature for acknowledging a read Code of Conduct isn’t a bad idea either.

5. What makes a good retreat? A great experience.

At the end of the retreat, what is best is if your team walks away feeling REFRESHED and ENERGIZED and not just simply checking off boxes in Asana or Basecamp. A good experience means changing the agenda to fit last minute input from the team or making sure you are providing a fun yet safe environment for your employees. Being productive and taking advantage of people physically in the same space is great, but you want to end the retreat on a positive note that will carry your employees when they head back to their homes and resume their remote schedules.

Every company and every retreat is different, so providing the best retreat to fit your team might take a little time. I’m willing to bet though the team doesn’t have big needs so when in doubt keep things simple. Keep the entertainment, team building (board games are about as simple as team building can get), agendas, and end goals simple and straight forward. Don’t overdue on fancy houses, hotels, catering, and distractions.

In the end, the last retreat I was on was memorable because it was the first time I got to see real snow and I also got to see baby birds hatch from eggs at our house (I admit the first item was planned, the second was just a happy consequence). This plus just hanging out with employees, setting a great work agenda for the rest of 2019, and enjoying some good food – really proves that you don’t have to all BIG to have a retreat that has a big impact.

Read More